We all do it in one form or another. We use negative self talk to create reasons why we aren’t worthy. Perhaps you do this on a minute by minute basis and you aren’t really even aware of how you are talking to yourself. If most of us would take a 2 minute excerpt from our inner monologue we’d gasp at the negativity. Even as a Life Coach I am constantly reigning myself in on the amount of negative self talk I use/think. It’s something we’ve been doing for so long it isn’t corrected in a quick minute.
Think about it for a bit, in fact, I challenge you to say your thoughts allowed in the car for a week, when you are alone of course. If you don’t want to feel like people are staring at the woman talking to herself in the car, just put in your earpiece or pretend you’ve dialed yourself on your hands-free. Just take a bit of your own thoughts and consciously speak them aloud.
The first time I did this I was actually in shock, by both my words and the quality of my language. Not only was I negative, but I was using the f bomb every other sentence. Would I ever really speak to another person in this manner? Absolutely not!!! I may use the f-word, but never in that degrading fashion.
So what does this have to do with our worthiness? Imagine now, after you’ve heard yourself speaking your inner monologue, that you put a 5 year old child in the car seat next to you and speak to him/her that way. Even a puppy, or your closest friend, if you can’t imagine a child. The point here is you would probably feel like a pretty rotten person for speaking that way. Most likely you’ve made an impact on that person or child’s self-esteem, right?
Let’s use one of my examples. One of the cleaner phrases I used often: “how could you be such an idiot, like seriously, why can’t you get it together?” There may have been expletives, but I cleaned it up. So imagining for a moment I’m saying that to a child, really freaks me out. I would probably cry, not to mention scare this child. So, what do you think you are doing to yourself? To your self-esteem?
You may be one of the kindest people ever to meet, but are you so kind in your own mind? This is a huge challenge for most of us, and coaches and mentors are not immune, hopefully, we are more aware. Now you can be as well.
Back to worthiness. What if for a week, a day, or even start with an hour… what if you spoke to yourself as you would that 5 year old child or close friend. Using my same example above, I’d instead say, “oh that’s perfectly ok, let’s just try again.” Feel the difference? Feel the transformation in how that feels?
Let’s try another. Standing in front of the mirror, how often do you criticize your weight, or some other physical aspect you’d like to see change? I say “how’d I get so fat?” Now let’s transform that into “wow, a run today would really make me feel great”, or “I’m losing weight everyday”. If that’s a stretch for you, choose something you love, like your hair; “oh wow, my hair looks great today!” Then put on an outfit that always makes you feel like a rockstar and go back in front of the same mirror and say “I look awesome!”.
The idea here is to slowly begin to notice when you are speaking negatively, and transform or retrain those thoughts to be positive and inspiring. If you catch yourself with some nasty self-talk, just smile and forgive yourself and restate it with love.
After even a few days of doing this, you will see the dial on your worthiness meter swing the other direction. You will feel better, and smile more. I’d even dare to say you’ll be a bit happier, and most definitely more eager to make positive changes in your life.