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Worry and guilt…WHAT’S THE POINT?

Stressful womanWe are in an age of instant gratification. Where we can have most things NOW.  Information is at our fingertips, our phones, our tablets, even our tvs are always at the ready to serve up whatever we want and immediately.  We really don’t have to wait for much these days.

So why is it that so many women (and men) are still living in such a worry-ridden lack state?  It seems with all of the instant capabilities in our lives we have created a heightened state of anxiety.  I myself am so guilty of this (notice I used the word guilty…).  I can be humming along, everything going well in my life and then one small thing can trigger an avalanche of worry and guilt.

I noticed this today in my life. I was writing in my journal this morning and realized I had been so focused lately on HOW to make things happen in my life that I was cutting off the flow.  I had stopped allowing because I jammed up my flow with worry and anxiety.  I had this mental idea of where I wanted to be in my business by August and the closer August came the more anxiety I had….then I began to get more frantic, looking for WAYS to make it happen faster. Then the lack crept in without me even noticing, and I was in a full-blown state of fear!

I love this topic because it is one that for me I seem to circle back to so often.  Maybe one day I’ll live a completely worry-free and guilt-free life, however I know that my journey with these two uninvited companions is far from over. I’m just hoping that as I learn to spot the signs and the feelings I can keep them as very occasional visitors.

I don’t know about you, but once I trigger one thought of worry and let it seep in, it really takes hold and all of the fear-based thinking I’ve worked so hard to banish comes crashing in.  It starts so innocently as “oh no, I”m not going to make my goal” Then rapidly it snowballs…does that mean I’ve failed? Does it mean I’m not good at this? Does it mean I can’t really help women to live fuller lives? Maybe I can’t help anyone. What if I don’t make any real money? What will I do for work? Will I be able to pay the bills? Oh crap, did I pay the bills?  Do I have money in the bank? Oh no, what if I forgot to pay all the bills and I don’t have enough money in the bank to cover them? Can I get another job? Will I ruin my credit score? What if I can never buy another car? A house? What if I can’t eat this week?  I’ll just buy peanut butter and jelly.

So in a matter of seconds, I’ve gone from not hitting my (self-imposed) goal to being broke and eating peanut butter and jelly!  How does that happen???? And so quickly???? This is NOT rational….some may even think I’m nuts!  

Truth is worry can unravel our thoughts this quickly.  Next, guilt usually pulls up throwing poor spending habits, that expensive cup of coffee, the few days off that you could have been working…etc. into the mix. So on top of feeling like you’ve just failed at life…you feel guilty because all of it is your fault.  Who know’s how many other lives you’ve ruined in the process (not true, mind you…just the guilt talking).

So, what is the purpose of any of these feelings?  How do they even serve you?

Worry is an acceleration of a question.  Why can’t we just ask the question and accept the results as they are and move on to allow a different result?  Why can’t we just make it that easy?  Answer: Fear.  We ask a question of ourselves and fear the outcome and it translates into worry.  Simple, eh?  So why do we have to make it SO much bigger?

Guilt is a broken promise to ourselves.  It really is an unnatural emotion.  Animals don’t feel guilt.  It is a combination of anger, sadness, and fear. Resulting from a violation of our own integrity. Simply…our behavior doesn’t match WHO we WANT to BE.

So if we look at it from a self-preservation stand point, we can objectively see that worry is the fear of an answer to a question, or fear of an unknown outcome.  Guilt is a broken promise to ourselves. All helping us to BE the TRUE person WE ARE (WANT TO BE).

Why do we create such BIG scenarios and let these two emotions wreak havoc on our lives, our self-esteem, and our ability to achieve the lives we really want to live?

Wouldn’t it be SO much easier to just ALLOW life to unfold?  To ask a question and let the answer just BE.  Why attempt to control the outcome that builds up this fear?

And how can we allow life to unfold and BE WHO WE WANT TO BE? Oh, and NOT worry about the outcome?  

It’s pretty simple actually. We just have to BE ourselves. We all have a purpose, a path, and a message or talent or skill…whatever it is for you.  We have to embrace WHO we want to BE and embody that.  If you want to one day BE ____________…. Then choose to BE that NOW.

You don’t have to go out and spend thousands of dollars to feel rich. When you are wealthy, you probably won’t spend every day out shopping….it would get boring and tiring.  You will still do “normal” things. For me, I love lavender oil in my baths. It’s something I do almost every day and it feels luxurious.  If I was a gazillionaire…I’d still love lavender oil in my bath.  As I’m relaxing in the water I smile and realize THIS IS ME being WHO I want to be.

When I’m helping others…a client, a friend, a stranger…I smile and realize THIS IS ME being WHO I want to be….WHO I AM.

SO the next time you find yourself spiraling down into the abyss with the company of worry and guilt…STOP. Take just a moment to remember WHO YOU WANT TO BE…..and do one thing that allows you to smile and realize THIS IS ME being WHO I want to be….WHO I TRULY AM.

You can’t get to that state of being by worrying, feeling guilty, or fearing you’ll never get there.  YOU are exactly where you are, and you can BE WHO you WANT to BE right now.  Everything else will come…it will fall into place.

So I challenge you: to take a day off from the worry, the guilt, and the fear. See how you can embrace WHO YOU ARE…try to BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE….and just watch things start to fall into place…even better than you can imagine!


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